Those Who Love
by Logan not here
Summary: Oh my dearest, you should know better than to fall in love with the sea.


We've been friends for a very long time, you and I. We've long passed the milestone in friendship where we can communicate solely with gestures and silence. Some people use the term 'soulmates,' but I feel that word doesn't cover even half of our truth. I know you like no other. I don't want to fool myself or be conceited, but I am you. And you are me. That's how deeply our feelings run. There's nothing in this world that can change this. Or so I thought.

"I think I'm in love," you tell me one day.

I didn't know what to say to that. I was beyond shocked that you would suddenly go and say something like that, but what shocked me more, and scared me, was that you didn't notice how what you said affected me. You carried on despite the fact that I hadn't said anything. Did my silence mean nothing to you anymore?

You were suddenly sheepish and embarrassed, rubbing at the back of your neck. You were chuckling and stumbling over words. Stop that. You know you don't need to be embarrassed in front of me. You don't need to search for the right words. I already know them. I should know them. I should understand all of your feelings. But right now I'm just as clueless as you are. What are you trying to say? What do you mean? Why are you acting this way?

With fond, gentle eyes you speak of your love. You speak with enthusiasm of the freedom you feel when you are with them, how it feels as if you could accomplish anything: the waves of the ocean would part for you, the boundary between sky and sea break before you and how you never felt more complete than when you were with them.

You pause for breath after excitement gradually built itself up in your voice. Not once did you stop to look at me. You drop your hands to your side, but they don't touch my mine. You're so far away. You're too far away.

Is this heartbreak that I feel? Is this pain what it's like to know that the feelings that connect you and I are severed? Did our bond mean nothing to you? My eyes grow moist and I almost laugh aloud bitterly when I saw that you don't notice at all. Before your eyes, it's only your love that you ever see now, isn't it?

My throat is dry. It becomes hard to sit up straight. My arms feel weak. Despair radiates from the pit of stomach and overflows the rest of my body; it poisons and turns all feeling into numbness. I want to cry and yet, at the same time, I feel anger. However I'm at a lost at who I should direct my anger to. Me for not having made you happy and content enough to remain at my side? Or should I direct it at your love who seduced you away from me?

Your voice becomes quiet, "I think that first time was the happiest moment in my entire life."

The emotion in your voice pauses me. The depth of those feelings, of that affection that laces your words. My hand tightens. You only ever spoke that way about me.

"Now, it's like a drug. Once isn't enough anymore! Some days, I want to go out and just stay there the entire day. And watch the sunset."

Watching the sunset with me isn't good enough? No, it's not. Bitterness is a lead that weighs me down, pulling me deeper into the depths of anger. It boils and burns at me, this anger. It hurts. It hurts too much. But what hurts me more is that you don't even notice. You don't even. . .

You stand. You reach for the horizon where the sun melts into the horizon over the ocean. "The ship leaves tomorrow. I don't know when I'm coming back, but this is the only chance I've got. And I'm taking it no matter what. I can't wait!"

I swallow thickly. How can you just say that? Just say that with that smile. And tomorrow? So soon? Why are you only telling me now? The pain finally pierces my chest. Misery pours out and spreads around the wound. Exactly how long has this been going on? Last week when we went up to the hills to pick flowers for my mother's birthday, I noticed you were listless and only half aware that you were pulling up weeds as well as flowers. Was it then? Or was it too weeks ago when we went to the market together and you didn't want to go into the store we always go into with me, saying that you didn't have the time. When have you never had the time? Three weeks ago when you were too busy to walk me to my uncle's cabin atop the hill. Four weeks ago when you nearly forgot to pick me up from lessons when you know I don't feel safe without you there to walk with me past that alleyway with those thugs. Five weeks ago when-

"Well," You turn to look over your shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow then!"

And you leave.

Is that supposed to be it? Just like that? Our friendship, our years together, our feelings – my feelings. Are those the victims of love? That you would let your love take you over like that, wiping out everything that meant anything to me. . . No. I won't let it end there. No, I won't. Not at all.

The next day, I watch you run excitedly straight from your house to the docks. At no point did you stumble or stop to turn around and head to my house. I knew it. You've completely forgotten to see me. You talk with the sailors. I can't hear your words, but I don't need to. I can see the emotions on your face. You help the sailors cast away the final bindings holding their ship in place. In your heart, you've already cast me away, haven't you?

The townspeople have come out to cheer and wave their teary goodbyes. Your parents are there. My parents as well. Did they know too? Did they have a hand in keeping me in blind ignorance? You're standing at the prow of the ship, jumping up and down in a frenzy of happiness.

That won't do. You can't look that happy without me there. The ship slowly drifts further away. I sink to my knees and clasp my hands together. I pray. I pray and pray and pray. I pray until the ship disappears over the horizon. I pray until the sun disappears over the horizon. I pray until I've awoken to see that I've fallen onto my side, with torrents of rain washing the misery from me. I turn on my back to gaze at tumult building above me in the sky. The storm is angry and the raindrops will carry my anger to you.

I feel like a great weight has been lifted. The leaden pain is no longer weighing me down. I feel free. Is this what you felt like when you left me behind? Is this the freedom that seduced you away from me?

It's a week and a half before the news reaches the town. Everyone is in mourning. Rescuers only managed to salvage three bodies. I was saddened that yours was not among them. But the lighthouse that witnessed the destruction of your ship claimed that even if their bodies were not found adrift in the waters the next day, there was no way anyone could have survived.

The townspeople cry and wail. I alone am the only one that is calm with the waves, the same waves that killed you. The very same that you chose over me.

Beneath my veil, I smile, "You should know better than to fall in love with the sea, Minamitsu."

* * *

I was listening to a calming rendition of Byakuren's theme when I wrote this. Yes.


End file.
